What is the gathering called after the funeral service? Is wine/alcohal appropriate?
What is the part called when everyone gets together after the funeral at someones house. Is it customary to have wine/alcohal. And what are people expecting food wise?
I don't know that there is any formal name for the gathering after a funeral service. It is customary for families and friends to gather after a service for support and remembrance.
Each family observes the gathering in a different way. If it's held at someone's home, it just depends on the family if they serve wine or alcohol. If it's held at a church hall, alcohol may not be served due to their insurance liability or religious position regarding alcohol.
Some events are catered and the family members and guest do not have to bring anything. Other events are "pot luck" and each person is asked to bring a dish to share. If you wish to bring a dish, call and ask someone in the family what they need. Let them know that you really want to bring something and base your decision on their wishes. If that is not an option, then bring something that will not spoil easily as the food might sit out for a while. Salads, desserts, vegetable trays, fruit trays are usually easy to manage and don't require a lot of special care.
There is no "right or wrong" way to gather after a funeral. The main purpose is to support the family as they grieve and to support each other as friends of the family. The best gift you can give the family is your presence and support at a very difficult time.--C. Jan Borgman